"Stop" Beating Yourself Down!

Dear Friends,

I think I speak for most people when I say we have this major weakness of beating ourselves down for the things we do... I was speaking to a girlfriend of mine just the other day on this topic and I knew I had to talk about it here. As we were discussing this, I came to realise that we are not alone in this. So many of us after making mistakes instead of pulling ourselves up, we beat ourselves down. We think that by criticising ourselves harshly that the results will be better... And since all this negativity comes from past experiences, you're convinced that you're doing the right thing by being unkind to yourself. That cannot be further from the truth. They say we are our own harshest critics... but today I'd like to tell you, be your own best friend. And I'll show you exactly how. I've Googled tips on how to stop beating ourselves down and I've compiled a short list below. You will realise that some of the tips begin with the word, "Stop"!

1. Stop trying to be super human!

I remember shouting this out to my friend while having this conversation! Ha Ha... it seems weird but please remind yourself, (shout it out if you have to!) that you cannot do everything right! You're simply human...and human is to error.

2. Stop focusing on the one tiny thing you did wrong!

We do this a lot... actually if you're like me and you are a bit of a perfectionist then you can't bare anything going wrong or not according to plan. So, when you find yourself worrying about that small thing you did wrong, please, stop and apologise to yourself!

3. Be kind to yourself

A great tip I found is that you can ask yourself the question, "If am willing to forgive others for their flaws, why not myself?" or if that doesn't work, think about it this way, "Would I say something hateful to someone I love, then why am I doing it to myself?".

4. Self-compliment yourself

Acknowledge any small achievement you make and give yourself a pat on the back, literally if you have to! You can make a list of the things you did well either daily or weekly...trust me you will love the feeling! You can even read them out like self affirmations!

5. Stop comparing yourself to others

Sometimes just the act of comparing ourselves to others puts us down and it doesn't have to be this way. So if you find yourself comparing yourself to another person...remind yourself that there is always going to be someone better than you at something and you cannot be good at everything.

6. Practice patience with yourself

This may not be the easiest thing to do but it brings out good results. It's a commitment you make to try and be more good to yourself and remember that your life is a work in progress, you will get to your destination.

7. Mistakes can be opportunities

This is my favorite tip yet... take that mistake and turn it into an opportunity to get better! Our lives will always be full of mistakes, but we can always turn our disappointments to opportunities!

Lessons from Michelle McKinney Hammond's Series on Getting Past Disappointment and Finding Hope

Today's post is mostly for the ladies...so bear with me gentlemen. So, have any of you ladies ever heard of Michelle McKinney Hammond? Well, let me introduce you to her... she is the woman who has inspired today's blog post. She is also a best selling author of over 40 books, an inspirational speaker, singer and a television presenter. She runs her own ministry and did I mention she has

African roots! Anyway, you might wonder what more could I possibly say about a much accomplished person as her...right? Actually, there's lots.

I got to learn about Michelle when I recently took to listening to a six part series DVD that she had spoken to women about "How to Get Past Disappointment: Finding Hope". These 6 thirty minute sessions were enough to learn that Michelle is God's messenger to women in the modern day. In the DVDs, she used the story of the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4: 1-42) and brought it to life! I just loved it...I couldn't wait to share it with someone! So, here are a few lessons I got from the series. 

1. God allows us to come to the end of ourselves in distress to replace our hopes and desires with Himself.

-The woman at the well was broken and Jesus came to renew her. There was only one way to go from there, and it was to Him. 

2. God will never demand from you what He will not supply.

-Jesus told the woman to give her water but instead, He gave her His living water.

3. One life can change countless others.

-God used a Samaritan woman to proclaim the Messiah...He can use anyone.

4. Worship is pouring out your love to the fulfillment of joy and peace.

-Worship means: prayer, praise & worship, faith and obedience.

-Obedience is the highest form of worship.

-True worship reflects God.

-Prayer is a two way conversation with and not at God.

5. God cannot address what we won’t confess.

- The woman had to confess so that she could be freed from her burdens.

6. Whatever you’re looking for is in ‘I AM’.

- The woman had had five husbands and she still did not feel whole. Jesus is the only one who makes us whole.

7. Find something to celebrate that becomes your favorite benchmark and let it be your altar.

- The Samaritan woman found her altar in proclaiming what Jesus had done for her. Her disappointments became her testimony.

The overall lesson to be learnt from the story of the woman at the well is that God allows us to be disappointed by others to remind us that we are in need of Him. It always amazes me that John dedicated several verses to speak on the Samaritan woman. No doubt he felt her story would help bring lost souls to God, just like they did before. Maybe you can go back and read that chapter, maybe you can find something that will give you hope :)

PS: This series is based on her book, "How to Get Past Disappointment: Finding Hope"

Learn more about her here: http://www.michellehammond.com/

The Top 10 Countries (Outside Africa and Australia) That I'd Love To Visit And Why

I recently came across a blog where someone had outlined 23 countries anyone should visit in their lifetime and why. It striked my fancy that they chose 23, which happens to be my favourite number... so I decided to have a look. I was indeed happy that they had chosen the number 10 country to visit as Kenya! So it gave me something to think about. There is one particular country that I'd love to visit first...one most people who know me really well would be familiar with, and then there are others. I should mention actually, that I would love to tour my own country, other African countries and the country I live in now... however, the order in which I visit these African or non-African countries does not matter. So here goes my list (remember I live by lists ha ha ha!). You will soon realise I lean towards one particular continent!

1. India

Most people who really know me, know why I'd love to go to this country and in particular, the north of India; where lives the largest population of the Bengal tiger. This tiger which also happens to be the largest population of the tiger species, is near to my heart. As a conservationist, seeing this animal in its natural habitat will just do it for me. This is in fact, part of my bucket list!

2. Vietnam
I have come to love this country, more so because I made a promise to my dear friend, who is Vietnamese to visit it with her. I have heard too that it is one of the most beautiful places in the southeast of Asia and so, I'd love to see it for myself :)

3. The Netherlands
I fell in love with this country through a book and movie! The Fault In Our Stars was my ultimate favourite book to read and movie to watch in 2014. Seeing it through the eyes of Hazel, I became curious about the country. And especially since I would love to visit the Anne Frank House one day as part of my bucket list!

4. Ireland
The same applies to Ireland... I fell in love with it when I read the book PS, I Love You and watched the movie. I love the feel of ancient infrastructure combined with the green of nature, and seeing the small winding roads and old stone walls in the midst of so much green and flowers, I knew I had to see it one day.

5. Switzerland
In March 2013 I had the privilege of visiting this country while visiting family. However, I always knew I'd go back. Apart from visiting family again, there's just something special about it and I'd like to find out what it is...in spring or summer this time!

6. England
Apart from the fact that I absolutely love British mannerisms, accent and culture, I'd love to visit London for the fact that I have always been in love with the city. Also, among my bucket lists actually is to see the Stonehenge (remember I love ancient infrastructure)!

7. Greece
Am a fan of ancient history, so it wouldn't be a surprise that this country comes at number 7! What I'd love to see most is how the Greeks have managed to retain their 5th century infrastructure!

8. Italy
Apart from the vast ancient history that Rome has to offer, I would love to enjoy Italian cuisine... being a foodie and all :)


9. Canada
I have always been curious about this country. The fact that they don't like Americans yet they share its borders, it's flag is pretty unique and they speak French. But mostly I'd love to see its scenery especially the majestic Niagara Falls as yet another bucket list!

10. New Zealand
I first came in contact with New Zealanders in Malaysia when we attended an international business competition during my undergrad days. I remember going to their booth to learn more about their country and I got my face painted with a fern leaf in their black and white national colors. It was quite something. So, I thought that one day I'd go see the country for myself, plus I hear it's one of the most beautiful destinations in the world!

Lessons From A Blue Tang Fish Named Dory

Dear Dory Fans and anyone looking to be inspired,

Last week I began by talking about how Dory gave me the inspiration to go back to writing. And if you truly are a Dory fan, you were overjoyed when 13 years since Finding Nemo, Finding Dory was born. Truth is Finding Nemo wouldn't have had the impact it had if it weren't for Dory. Isn't it interesting that she, a fish suffering from short term memory loss could give us so much to think about. I couldn't help but notice all the wise words being thrown around the movie... I wished I had a pad and pen right there in the cinema... but thank God for the internet, I found some of those quotes. And so that's what I want to share about....some Dory wisdom. (PS: a little spoiler alert...so if you haven't watched Finding Dory, please do.)

1. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming:

We were introduced to this classic meme in Finding Nemo and in Finding Dory, we find out...her parents sing it too! So it was just a matter of time till it inspired everyone. It's the simplest life lesson really, when you encounter hardship, just like Dory, keep going. Basically, never give up!

2. When something is too hard, there is always another way:

These wise words were said by Charlie, Dory's Dad. Quite amazing actually, because it really sums up what our attitude to life should be. Life sometimes throws us curve balls and we feel like we just might suffocate, but truth is, there is always another way out, just breathe and figure it out!

3. What Would Dory Do?:

Marlin, as we all know is a worrier and represents many of us in life who worry worry worry... Dory represents the few who decide life is to be lived, fearless of what the future holds. So, Dory, in complete faith accomplishes the impossible only because she decides nothing is going to stop her. And really, the lesson here is simple, going through life takes a step in faith. So, ask yourself, like Marlin and Nemo did, what would Dory do....and do it!

4. You can do whatever you put your mind to:

These words were spoken by Jenny, Dory's mum to Dory when she followed the shells back home. An impossible task really, because just before she did, she was lost. But she did as Dory always does, she decided she was going to find her way home. I especially like how she made decisions... (I'll let you find out how she did this). This right here is my favorite meme... it reminds me that anything however impossible is possible to do if you want to do it.

5. The best things happen by chance:

And to complete my list are Dory's words... when you think about it really, almost everything that has ever happened to you by chance was pretty surreal. Like Dory, meeting Marlin was by chance and through that she was adopted into a family. So, look out for those chance experiences, they are the ones you'll remember for a lifetime.

Hope you've learnt something worth using in life. And as always, think, 'what would Dory do?'


Your Fellow Dory Fan,
Sharon.

Looking For My Desert Oasis

I know I have been out of range for a while..well, a lot has happened since when I was last here...I completed a 10,000 word thesis. Actually that's it...so after I did, I took a long deserved break. However, from time to time I have been frequenting this page and I've started to write something only to stop mid-sentence. Could it be though that I lacked the inspiration to write? Because I had a story, but I didn't know what to do with it. And for those writers who've been doing it long know it happens. They call it writer's block. But, I've learnt that sometimes you just need to step back into it. But you know what, I did get my inspiration. And it took an animation to get me back to writing. Actually, a character in the name of Dory.

It's hard not to love Dory in the movies 'Finding Nemo' and 'Finding Dory'. Not only because she is voiced by someone who is herself inspiring, but that her character makes people like me and Marlin (am a worrier just like him) feel like we're taking life too seriously. I particularly liked the reference they used, #whatwoulddorydo. And indeed, if you made decisions like Dory would do, you're assured of a worry-free life. Having a short-term memory loss was not a disability, in fact, she made friends easily that way. If you've not watched this animation, do yourself that favor because there's lots to learn from a blue tang fish named Dory.

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, valuable but small and sometimes I wonder, do I do it  because I like it or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer, I just want to send this cosmic question out to the void. So, good night dear void." These words were uttered by Meg Ryan's character in the movie "You've Got Mail", an 1998 classic film that I just love. In fact, I've watched it three times. I like to do that actually. The first time I watch a movie its out of excitement, but the second time, it's to notice the details. The third time, well...its just to enjoy it again. Anyway, these words make sense right? Do we live small lives because we aren't brave enough to live big ones? Do we feel inadequate or small? Maybe we feel we are just meant to be small. Nothing wrong with living simply, but there's something wrong when you're not living the life you're supposed to. This is called fear.

It's not until recently that I realised that I, like many of you live in fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of getting out of your comfort zone. Fear of taking a step of faith. Actually, before we go into talking about fear, let me tell you what 'looking for my desert oasis' means. You know how you experience so many problems that you feel like you're in a desert? You feel like you just might succumb to the deadly heat, but a small voice inside keeps telling you, don't give up, just look for the oasis. And that's just enough to keep you going, looking, until you find it. This is something I went through a few weeks ago when I was trying so hard to complete my thesis. I spent so many nights just walking that desert, and when I had finished, I found my oasis. It was utter joy and relief to finally get there and quench from the desert heat. But that, like life is not where the story ended, I now begun to think about what grade I would get. Hence began a fresh walk in the desert of the unknown. Because I had in mind that if I did not get a pass in my thesis, I would succumb to that heat, and all the hard work would have been for nothing. So again, I went in search for that desert oasis...that moment when I would finally receive a passing grade. And you know, I did reach my oasis, and my goodness, it was far more refreshing than the first oasis.

Now here is the problem about looking for an oasis...you never stop to think about the One who put you in the desert in the first place. Well, you didn't just end up there did you? The One who put you in that desert, did that for a purpose. Did you ever stop to think why He put you in that situation? Wasn't is so that you could trust Him. Trust...does that word sound strange... wait a minute, isn't that the opposite of living in fear. So now you know where am heading with this. We walk through many deserts in our life looking for that oasis, but thing is, we never stop to look at the One who put us there. We never stop and ask Him to guide us through the journey, we just keep going, trying to do it by our own strength. Well, I found out that it doesn't quite work out that way. So, now I know what I would have done differently during my walk in the desert...and that is look to Him....trust Him to guide me through and leave my worries, because He who put me in the desert promises that He shall never leave me. So, now am no longer looking because my Oasis has been there the whole time. :)

Loss Begets Grief

Today I want to take us back to the topic on loss. I want to talk about something that most of us go through at some point in our lives when we experience loss. But first let me explain this truth...loss does not only mean the loss of a loved one to death, it can also mean the loss of someone dear from our lives like through separation or divorce. It can also be the loss of a friend, a pet or even a job.Whatever it is that you held dear and is taken away from you, you might find that you grieve for it because somehow you have to learn to live without it.

So first thing we need to know about grief is that it can happen to anyone. The only difference is how a person deals with it. Some find that by embracing their grief, they are able to overcome it however, a number of people, well, downright deny it. Something else we should know about grief is that it isn't necessarily measured by the magnitude of the loss experienced. And this is where we go wrong... I don't know what or who gave people the notion that just because someone's loss was bigger than theirs, that their grief should be well, smaller and vice versa. Just like no one's fingerprint is the same, so is someone's loss.

We experience loss differently, and especially in this world of pain and heartbreak; do we really need someone telling us how to grieve or how long we should take to grieve? Because I find that unknowingly people expect you to recover from a loss within their own mind's time limit. But that's not how it works. This brings me to the third thing we need to know...grief has no process. People think it does, but it doesn't. Sure there are steps...steps that someone grieving the loss of a loved one to death should go through. However, some people take one step at a time, others two, and still others take one step and don't move to the second step for a very long time. Does it matter? Does it make the person seem stuck? I don't think so. And why? Because grief has no rules.

When I first learned about my sister's death, even before I found out how she died, I didn't cry. I thought about the journey and I thanked God for the time I had with her. I know what you may be thinking, was I in denial? Could be. And if you follow the science of grief, it tells you that the first step to grief is denial. So, question is, how long did that last? Well I can tell you, not too long. I came to accept that she had died yes, however, that didn't mean I had accepted what had happened to her. That would take me a while to get over. Acceptance is the last stage of grief and this is the step people expect you to reach within a certain period of time. People confuse acceptance with being okay with something. I can accept the reality that my loved one is physically gone, but do I have to be alright it with it to move on with life? Answer is a resounding no. In telling my story in an earlier post, I explained that the grief I experienced felt numbing and it wasn't months, years later that I began to accept fully the extent of my loss. So, was I being irrational or was that just my way of grieving? Doesn't it make sense now when I say grief has no process?

In grieving we accept that our loved one is never coming back...we cry and get sad, depressed even, angry sometimes but we finally make it to the last stage. Thing is, we all get on the bus, but reach our destinations at very different times. So this brings me to the last thing we should know about grief...it knows no time. And here is where we go so very wrong...why do we feel the need to tell someone that they should get over their loss? Is loss a common cold that comes and goes within a few days? And if you know you have been guilty of this, and probably you did it unintentionally... please know that while you're telling someone to get over their loss...just remember that you have added another burden to their grief and that is guilt. No one should feel guilty for grieving someone or something for a duration longer than is the norm. No one should feel guilty for having delayed reactions to grief. Basically, no one should tell anyone what they can or cannot do during their grief. Whether it takes someone a day to accept or years, the destination does not matter, just the journey.

Hope Alone

Hope. What do we know about this word? What does it mean to you? Is it something you need? Does it help you get up everyday and trust that everything will be okay? Can we at all function without hope? Is it a belief, a trust or faith? Did you know that you can't have hope without faith? Does that surprise you? Well, enough with all the "21 questions", instead let me attempt to answer if but one, what is hope?

In Hebrews 1:11, faith is described as confidence for what we hope for and assurance of what we do not see. Isn't that interesting? Let me try to break this down a little. So by having confidence in things we hope for, we have faith. Faith is also described as an assurance of things we do not see. So, according to this verse, to have faith we must have hope. And so, what does hope look like? Let me try and explain it with everyday experiences. 

At night when we sleep, many of us don't think it but we anticipate that we will wake up to a new fresh day, right? We anticipate that when we get out of bed we will walk and function as normally. But, most times, we don't think of these actions as anything more than normal. However, what if one day we wake up and we can no longer use our bodies to function normally? Wouldn't this change our perspective about the "hope"? Wouldn't we now hope that we could one day be able to walk again? So wouldn't that need a much bigger ounce of hope than what we had before? So what changes? The quantity?

Let me bring this closer home. Something or rather someone we're all familiar with; Noah. We all know his story. We know that he trusted that when God said build an ark the rain will come, he did not doubt, just obeyed and had faith. What did he hope for? Was it that the rain would not come? Or did he hope that the rain would come but he and his family would be safe in the ark... Do we usually hope that bad things don't happen to us? Or like Noah, do we hope that when the bad things do happen, that God is with us? Don't we still hope that He has a plan for us? Isn't that what faith is?

One more story. About a woman this time. A woman who held on to hope despite the trials she went through. Her name was Hannah. She was barren, so she prayed to God to give her a son. It did not matter that she was being mocked and ridiculed, she still held on to the hope that one day she would have a child. So, because she possessed such hope, she made an oath to God that she would give up her son to the service of the Lord. And when the Lord granted her desire, she did not falter on her promise but did as she had said and gave him up for God's service. Can you imagine such faith?! Here she was giving up the one thing she had asked of the Lord day and night. Let's think of it within our own context. Would you be willing to give up to God the one thing you cherish more than anything? No. I didn't think so. So what's the difference? Do we not have enough faith? 

I say it's only one word, willingness. That's the difference between the faith of Abraham and that of Jesus disciples. Abraham did not know everything he needed to know about God to take that step and leave his home. He only did one thing, he willingly obeyed. And why? Because he had hope that God had a plan for him and his family. On the other hand, Jesus disciples had walked with him, seen miracles He did and still they did not believe He was who He said He was. They were not willing to just believe and have faith. Suppose that's what having faith is all about? The willingness to believe even when all evidence shows different. But what promise do we have? God made a promise that He is with us unto the ends of the earth, so we can have hope that even when things go south, God will give us enough grace to sustain us through it.

The Waging War

So I've had one of those weeks...you know where you wake up and you know you're going to achieve much then, somehow you don't. And then somewhere down the middle I caught a cold and well, you know how that goes. Anyway, I always look forward to Fridays now, because right about 4 pm I stop to first do what I love and pen down my thoughts and then I start to enjoy the Sabbath rest. :)

In the midst of this underachieved week, however, I had a great time (and still am) reading one of Jodi Picoult's greatest work of fiction; Nineteen Minutes. Now I can't say I have a particular writer I adore but Jodi comes close. The minute I saw the cover of this book, I was hooked. So I went on to read the synopsis and I was double hooked. Now if you know Jodi's work, you know she has a knack for writing on highly controversial topics, and this is no different. The thing I appreciate most about a writer is when they don't hold back but give you an honest raw writing that you're left wanting more and that definitely describes the work she put into this book. So enough on the free marketing and let me tell you what this book is about (the much I've read). I promise, am going to relate it with something I've been meaning to talk about.

Nineteen Minutes is a sad story, let me first say; it gives a new meaning to the word tragedy. It's a story you can be familiar with that has happened a couple of times in real life; I even shared a similar story in one of my posts. In this story, we're introduced to Peter Houghton, your average nerd teenager who seems to have had life rough as it is with years of endless bullying. So he wakes up, one day and decides to "end his misery". Instead he goes to school and shoots down his fellow schoolmates injuring many and killing 10 souls. Yes, as it seems, he was a young man on a revenge mission. You might wonder though how a mere 17 year old could become a monster in literally 19 minutes? Well in fact, the monster in him had been there, it only just got out once the "right" conditions were met. So you can imagine the agony of those parents who lost their kids. How their life had changed in just a matter of minutes. Though if you think of it this way, it took approximately 17 years for these "right" conditions to all come together but only 19 minutes for everything to change forever. And you know the most interesting thing, when he was asked why he did it, he said, the intended target was himself, the others just got in the way.

This took me back to something a friend and I were taking about on good and evil. You see, every one of us is born with sin in us, right? So basically, in us is the ability to be good as well as evil. The only difference is we decide to be good right? So what happens if we stop trying to be good, do we end up like Peter there? Not necessarily. However, everyday we face the decision to do the right thing, and you may say its because we each have a moral compass that guides us on good paths. So you find that even if someone does not believe in God, they can for example, be a good neighbor. However, here comes the tricky bit, who put that good in there? Ha! Did I just crash the evolution theory with one sentence??!! Anyway, am not here to prove or disprove anything, but just to make an observation. And an important one. And that's that we have the ability to choose good instead of evil. It is a war on the soul if you come to think about it, a war that has been going on for ages and will still go on for a very long time, but we can rest assured we don't fight it alone, but that Jesus is fighting it with us and for us.

So back to the book... Peter of course was arrested and charged with ten counts of first degree murder as well as nineteen other counts of attempted first degree murder. Hence began a court trial where the rule of law would determine his fate. You know how they say you're innocent until proven guilty? What if this wasn't the case and you were always assumed guilty until your innocence was proved or disproved? Or what if once you were arrested you were charged and immediately jailed without a court hearing? Wouldn't this be the greatest of injustices? Wouldn't this be overlooking the right that everyone has to receive a fair and just judgment? Let's think of this actually, is it a right or privilege to receive fair judgement? Do we earn this right or are we given this right because we are under the rule of law? I say we don't earn it but we are given this right, and it is given to us because we cannot by any way earn it.

The reality is...we are an erring people. We are a guilty bunch. Maybe we have not sinned to the extent of taking a life but we fall short everyday. Can you imagine if we did not have a God who was willing to give us a fair and just trial even if we were clearly guilty. Hasn't this kinda made you see the truth about God's judgment and His love? He isn't an 'evil' God set to judge us and throw us in hell but quite the opposite actually, He is the most loving God. We just need to see it from His perspective once in a while. Because in His eyes, you are not guilty, you are just a lost sheep in need of a Shepherd. He just sees the you He wants you to be. So for as long as it takes, He will wage this war on evil until good eventually prevails. :)

Living on Lists

Who here makes lists? Anybody? Well, I do. I make lists about many things. Things I've achieved, things I want to achieve, daily to-do lists, books I've read, movies I've watched, shopping lists...this list goes on and on. Maybe you're thinking you don't do this but you know, there's always a first time. And you know what makes me so so happy....when I make a list and get to tick off things from it. Or when I list out things I've done during the week... these are my accomplishments...and you know, they make me feel good about myself. And most of all, they remind me about how God has been with me through every step. If you know me, I have a mantra I go by, and that's "One Day At A Time"...so this can just be the same with lists,"One List At A Time." 

So, this week I was looking up things to do to make you happy (yes I google such things lol). Anyway, I found a great list! There are just those days when you're doing an assignment and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere, those are the times I just go online and do things like look up lists or quotes or stuff. And you know, sometimes you just have to find what makes you happy, because as this blog is about brokenness, we are everyday struck down by something we either did wrong, or something didn't go as we had planned..so we need or rather " I "need to make lists to remind myself how far I've come. So, this happiness list had a few things on them I liked, and I decided I'll add some more on there. So here is a list of 25 things to do that can make you happy or basically get you through a rough day, or any day:

1. Change your sheets: this gives you a very fluffy feeling of freshness and personally, I usually sleep better. So try this... even you gentlemen!

2. Smell something lovely: No this is not girly! Whether its a flower, fragrance or even a scented candle.

3. Get out in the sun: this is the best way to get you some much needed vitamin D and just smile at God's brilliance hehee...see what I did there :)

4. Find a moment of awe: I suggest you do this often. Look around you...you will find something amazing...a child's laughter, God's awesome creation... 

5. Gratitude: just sit back whether its during the middle of the day, beginning or end of it and give thanks for what you have...you will find how good it makes you feel.

6. Do something for someone else: whoever has ever given someone else a gift or just done something nice for someone can attest to how good it feels, its way better than doing something for yourself.

7. Take pictures: And no not a selfie! Take a picture of something other than yourself...of nature or something around you. You will thank me later.

8. Call someone: And not just for the sake of it...call someone you haven't spoken to for a while or even someone you constantly chat with..just to ask how they are doing.. you will make someone else's day way more than if you texted.

9. Learn a new skill: Apparently there is a lot of online skill lessons so sign up for one...anything, you'd probably find it. The feeling of accomplishment is great.

10. Have chocolate: there's no better mood booster than chocolate! So look past the guilt, and do it!

11. Do something you loved to do as a child: now this you might have to do away with the embarrassing feelings and just do it..maybe you liked to eat food with your hands, or eat a lollipop or gum while making the pop sound or even better, watch a cartoon...you won't regret it.

12.  Add a burst of color: this is something that works all the time. Maybe you can buy a colorful painting or mug or colored socks or for the ladies, do your nails multi-colored! 

13. Take a walk: An evening walk is all you may need after a long day...small pleasures like the wind on your face...will definitely keep you smiling.

14. Get rid of things you don't need: As a self-proclaimed hoarder...things are just things that can be burnt in a fire...and when you think of it that way, you will be throwing stuff away a.s.a.p.

15. Take a nap: if you have the chance to do this, do it! It's the best...

16. Treat yourself: Again, forget the guilt...buy yourself that thing you've been eyeing, eat in a restaurant you've always wanted to, go watch that movie. Basically, take time off for yourself.

17. Talk to God: Now this doesn't mean do a usual prayer...just talk, like hold a conversation with Him. Maybe you can try my thing and go on your knees...works for me, and I always feel like am the most important person and God just stopped everything to listen. :)  

(Disclaimer: this is the most important thing you can ever do, and not the 17th...there is no order in doing this list..just pick one and do it)

18. Read an enriching book: And I specifically say this because sometimes we need enrichment in life, and the Grisham books won't do this for you (just an example, I think Grisham is great). Find a book that adds meaning to your life...something like the book I shared last week.

19. Listen to your favorite song: now my favorite might not be yours, but find that song you've been humming to all day or can't remember the lyrics to and just listen. You'd probably go on to listen to the entire playlist, doesn't matter..you will love that feeling.

20. Write: this is obviously not everyone's gift but if you can, just write something down...it can be a blog like me or a journal, diary or poetry. Just think of something, and write it down. You will probably, like me, feel very good about putting your thoughts to paper.

21. Watch your favorite anything: it can be a comedy, a YouTube video, a short play, movie or even sports channel..just watch it...it works for me. 

22. Sing your heart out: I think everyone can do this...it certainly helps if you're alone in the house and just feel like being loud... someone told me singing brings out happy hormones. So, sing, before you know it, you'd be a very happy person.

23. Give someone a big hug: now it would be too weird to go ask someone if you can hug them but what you can do is the next time you're hugging someone, give a sincere bear kind of hug...but don't linger too long lol. You will thank me for that as well.

24. Be silly: this encompasses so many things...dance like a toddler, watch something funny then laugh out loud, sing out of tune, send out silly jokes to your friends....just be sure it makes you feel silly...then you will be happy :)

25. Smile to a stranger: and last but definitely not least, smile. But not just at anyone...someone you don't know...if you receive a smile back, you will know you hit the jackpot! If you don't, try again! It's the best thing and you are guaranteed immediate happiness!

So, yap...25 normal things you can do for yourself to make you happy. And you don't even have to go to too much effort to do most of them... and like I said, there is no order to this list..just try one today then tomorrow like that like that. And you know what will make you feel even more accomplished, write this list down, stick it somewhere you can see and tick off everything you do. You will thank me later! :)

A Book, A Teddy and a Prayer Mat

Odd title you might say but I'll explain it to you in just a little bit. First, let me tell you how my week has been then you might understand. See, for the past one week I've been fussing over two presentations I had to do, so I did not sleep much up till yesterday. Needless to say, I think I did well despite the panic and fear that I wouldn't do it right. But three things made it easier... a book I recently read, my teddy and my prayer mat. See this semester has been absolutely tough but I found a way to cope by doing the one thing we are all afraid of doing...that's surrender. I'll take you through the relevance of each of these things then drive my point home.

A Book:

Ever read a book and thought...wooooaaaa! That was me when I read the book "In the Field of Grace" by Tessa Afshar. The story is one we might be familiar with because it's actually a bible story. That is the story of Ruth. Have you ever thought about how inspiring a story hers had to be for it to actually be in the Bible on its own. And might I add, she was Jesus great great....(many greats) grandmother. That thought profounds me. So Tessa transforms this simple story into something awesome...she adds just a touch of fiction to it but always taking you back to the actual story of the faith of one woman. This story always reminds me of how God can use someone so "small" to show His love and grace. God had a plan for Ruth, and a very important purpose to accomplish. She was just the right mix to complete it. She might have been a Moabite woman who didn't know the God her mother-in-law worshipped, but she showed the greatest step of faith by uttering the well known words, "where you will go, I will go; where you stay I will stay; your people will be my people; your God will be my God." And just for uttering those words, God did amazing things for her. I mean, how much more assurance of God's grace do you need? If God did it for Ruth, He will definitely do it for you, but you've got to ask and when God says trust me...do!

A Teddy:

The minute I saw this cute flimsy-looking teddy, I knew I had to have it. I even named him Ben. But what I didn't know was how important it would end up being for me. Like everyone, we have seasons when we just don't know how things are going to work out, and you feel like you're constantly being pulled into this depressing place...that was me a few weeks ago. But one day I walked into this store and when I saw this brown teddy with the black and white stripped tee and brown shorts, I knew it was going home with me! And so during one of those moments when I needed cheering or comfort or just a 'bear' hug...Ben was there. And then something else came to me...Ben represented a "marker" in my life...you know, something that helps you remember a certain experience. So I decided to use the name as an analogy to remind me of that low time...to remember that God was with me and still is. So for B I decided would represent 'Believe in His Love... E represents...'Entrust Him with your life' and N represents...'Never doubt His grace.' And so every time I feel overwhelmed and weary, I just go to Ben and he reminds me that God loves me, that I can entrust Him with my life and that I should never ever doubt His grace!

A Prayer Mat:  

So, I recently watched an interesting movie. "I Am Gabriel" is a movie about how Angel Gabriel came in the form of a small boy to give hope to a hopeless community. The movie might be fictitious but the message delivered stayed with me. The "boy" arrived in this town carrying only a prayer mat. So he urged the people to constantly pray and God would redeem their town. So after making prayer mats, the town began to pray and that's right...miracles began to happen. So this made me have a long think about my prayer life and how if I had a prayer mat, it would always remind me to take time and pray and what better place to surrender to God than on your knees. And that's what I've been doing since then and I didn't need to go get an actual mat, I just used what I had and what seems to be a regular-looking piece of clothing represents so much more to me. And you know what, I believe it now more than ever that God does so much more when you go on your knees and surrender to Him.

So you see how just three regular-looking things could mean so much to me. Maybe you have one of these things or maybe you need one of these things. Maybe you might be going through a hard time, I suggest you surrender to God all these burdens and see what He will do for you. And remember... when it gets really hard... just remember to believe, entrust and never doubt! :)

Grace Did It For Me

Today I want to talk about grace. I guess you've all heard this word, but do we all know its meaning? As a Christian you would probably know what this means, but what if you're not a Christian and this means nothing to you? I want to begin by taking you back to the loss my family shared... What if like my family, you went through a horrific loss and someone was responsible for the hurt, would you so easily find it in your heart to forgive the one who committed that ghastly thing? Let me ask you this, would you do it without grace? I believe that the answer is a big no. And this would go for anyone who has lost a loved one in whatever circumstance...

Today, and by good chance I watched the movie, "Amish Grace" based on a true story that happened in October 2006. I don't know if you all know about this story that took the world by surprise; and it isn't really the killing of eight innocent children that shocked everyone, it's what they did when it happened.

A gunman stormed an Amish schoolhouse in Pennsylvania where he took hostage and shot eight out of the ten girls before himself committing suicide. Unbelievable isn't it? The movie is told in the eyes of a mother of one of the girls who could not at all find it in her heart to forgive the gunman while the rest of her community including her husband seemingly were able to. And they were not only willing to forgive but also to be reconciled even with the family of the murderer and to quote them.. "for they too had suffered a loss."

Let me pause there for a minute and let you reflect on that... here is a community standing on their belief that God asks us to forgive others because He forgives us too (Matthew 6:14, 15). And then there is a mother hurting desperately because she has lost her beloved daughter in the hands of a murderer. Wouldn't you also think that this mother was justified to not want to forgive? I think so...but what about her people, are they right by choosing to forgive this man who had done so much harm?

The answer lies in grace. What is grace... God's grace? Well, simply...it's "the unmerited favor of God to those who do not deserve it." Ring a bell there? Isn't that what God Himself did for us more than two thousand years ago when he sent His Son to die for our sins that we may be reconciled back to Him? So basically, what those men and women of the Amish community were able to do is something that we are called to do because well, it was done for us and still is today. And what may you ask did they gain by forgiving such an "unforgivable" act? Well, I say, for one, by forgiving and this should not be confused for forgetting, they were able to have peace in their hearts for if they held a grudge on that man, the hate would consume their souls like it did him.

So now I guess you're beginning to understand how I and my family (and whoever else has faced such circumstances) were able to forgive this man who took away so much from us. We did it not with our own strength, for that is impossible...we just gave this hate and hurt all to him and surrendered to Him that He may be our avenger. And now many many days later, I remember how God's grace did it for us, and still does and His grace can do it for you too, you just need to ask of it.

My Story

Last week I began this blog in the hope that by putting words to paper about my experience with brokenness and grief, that maybe I could help someone who is in a place in their life where they can't seem to move forward from that terrible loss. This blog is for you if the grief consumes you to the point of numbness.

So you know how sometimes you see these horrible stories on TV like a murder, kidnapping or rape and you wonder how can someone ever come out of that... In the case of an unnatural death or unexplained loss you're even left wondering how the family of the deceased would ever cope. And that's just it, you may wonder yes or maybe say a prayer for them, but that's just as far as your concern goes. And it never crosses your mind that such horrible things could ever happen to your family until it actually does.

That's what happened one fateful day in February 2012. My family became part of these stories you see on TV literally. That day, we became part of a statistic you could say. So many things were said, so many stories were writ, so many people gave their two cents, but not that many people necessarily knew the truth; the truth about the life of my elder sister before death stole her away.

You notice the word "stole". I use this word loosely because its not used in the literal sense. However, its the only way I could describe how it happened because it wasn't that she died in an accident or of an illness, no, she died because someone thought she should. Yes, she was murdered.You may wonder how so easily I type out that word...murder. Well, I guess when you play it out in your head enough, you kinda become immune to the weight it bears. Its a word that unless you're in the health or communications industry,would only but whisper it or rather choose a less severe way to explain it. Maybe if you say it like.."she was killed"or even use the exact action.."she was strangled"...it doesn't sound as brutal as when you say "she was murdered". It feels final doesn't it? But that's what happened and now, we could only watch as our life's story was altered replaced only by images and things you never want anybody else to ever have to go through.

So not only were we grieving a loss so tragic, we also had to go through the media's portrayal of the story over and over again. See that's how the numbing happens...you no longer feel the loss but experience it and your body's way of survival is to just shut out all negative influences. I remember I didn't cry much during that time. But now, well, tears come easy and fast. I suppose I could say, I hadn't quite grasped the full extent of my loss. And it's only days, weeks, years later that it became clear that grief isn't a one-off experience. It's something you have to live with, and you are never the same again. But, there's a light at the end of the tunnel, things aren't always going to be dark and you will see that one day, you will forget the pain and bear the loss. One day, you will eventually heal. :)

Words Can Heal

Yes, blog number four. I guess it's true what they say about writers, it's just never enough. It's words against the world! Anyway, this new blog is not like the usual topic based one. It's just where I'll be pouring out my thoughts and well, I hope in this way I can minister to someone the best way I know how, by my words.

So, the title of this blog was inspired by a song 'Tell Your Heart To Beat Again' by Danny Gokey (I hope am not overstepping copyright here). So, I listened to this song today and yes, it spoke to me and a thought came to mind, how many people go through moments in life where all seems lost... well, I thought, everybody. 

There's one thing that affects everyone at some point in their lives, and that's the loss of a loved one. Even God lost His Son, I bet not many of you think of it that way...and even if it was just for three days, God and Son were separated for a time though the difference here is that it was necessary that Jesus die so that we can live.

And you see, it doesn't matter how, when or why they died, though the why sometimes isn't something we mortals can answer. Still, we've all at some point lost someone close and dear to us, and it was shattering. 

But, we carry on don't we? This doesn't stop us from living does it? This doesn't change the fact that we're still alive, even if they're not. So, your next question might be, why dedicate an entire blog to talk about brokenness? And I will answer simply, why not? Jesus told us to spread the gospel around the world right? But when someone is broken, it truly is very hard to get them to believe that a loving God can take away a loved one...so we need to help each other remember why God is a good God even when it seems He isn't.

Maybe this blog is for you, any one of you who has lost someone dear and you've never been able to get back to that place where you were before... am not promising that everything I am going to say will ultimately heal you, but I sure want to try. Maybe if I talk about my own experience, it can help you. So that's where we will start, and maybe then, your heart can beat again. :)